Earlier today, I found myself in the unenviable position of watching a double dose of Family Feud. I hate to admit it, but I think I’ve seen every incarnation this show has offered–from pervie/creepie Richard Dawson to the suicidal guy whose name escapes me to the porcine Louie Anderson. Now we’ve got J. Peterman, I mean John O’something with the voice.
So the question comes up–what weapon could a murderer use to kill . . . drumroll please . . . Pinocchio. Pinocchio? First off, why is anyone contemplating killing fictional characters from Disney of all places? I could see if we were talking about wicked stepmothers. Who wouldn’t want to give Snow White’s step mama a thump on the head for unbridled vanity and poor wardrobe choice. But Pinocchio, whose only crime was trying too hard to fit in. Who’s next? Dumbo?
As you can imagine, this round quickly descended into the macabre. Chop him with an ax. Throw him in the wood chipper. Make him tell lies until his nose falls off. At least that last one didn’t make it onto the board. My favorite answer was the one I least expected–slow torture. Termites.
This doesn’t really have anything to do with writing except that it made me think of all the lengths mystery/suspense/thriller writers go to to have a, if not unique, interesting death occur in their stories. Murder can’t be mundane anymore, it’s got to have flair. Either the motive, the means or the murderer him/herself has got to have a bit of panache. And serial killers fuggedaboutit. I myself had my Amazon killer in Body of Lies who cut off the right breast of all his victims. oogie if you ask me, but others are far worse.
Just something to think about as I get back to my work for the day. In this one, the murder is quite ordinary, but what happens the next day when the body is found–that’s the doozy.
But nevermind that. Tell me, what’s your favorite fictional kill and why? But let’s leave the cartoons out of it this time.
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