It seems to me that everyone I know has a cousin, a brother, a friend of a friend’s ex-wife, a mother or somebody else who wants to write a book. Most of these people have never put a pen to paper. Half of them don’t even read, but figure there’s a market for a book based solely on their own lives. Ninety-nine percent of them are wrong.
I’ve lost count of how many offers I have gotten from folks who’ll “sell” me their story. All I have to do is write it. I have found that the way to put off 100 percent of these people is to ask them to write an outline of what they hope their story will be about. To date, I have received no outlines.
But for the first time ever someone just sent me their manuscript. Or I should say a 300-page excerpt from an 800 page book. It’s not that I didn’t know this person was interested in having me read his book. Through some convoluted familial relationship I was in touch with a friend of the writer. I heard 800 pages and I said, “Can’t he cut that thing in half?” The response I got was, “Maybe.” That’s the last thing I heard of it before said excerpt showed up at my mother’s house and she passed it on to me.
I was not amused, especially since my mystery mailer spelled my name wrong. The best way to get on my bad side is to mess up my name. I even make it easy for folks by letting them call me Dee. Work with me folks, I’m trying here. But anyway, I finally decided to take a look at it and oh, good grief! This is the type of first book I hate–one that has tremendous potential but is mired by the author’s alternating bouts of cutesy-ness and verbosity. Here’s someone who’s gotten mired in the marvelousness of his own words and forgotten to tell the story. Now I knew why the damn thing was 800 pages loooong.
Luckily he was very open to suggestion. We talked for a long while and I agreed to look at his revised (much shorter) work. I suppose my title is a misnomer, since I did look at this author’s work, but I’ll confess I’m a sucker for new writers. I think that’s the teacher in me more than the writer. For those authors with better resistance, it’s best to “meet” them first before you try to ask them for advice on your work. Here are a few tips:
1. First and foremost, read that author’s work, even if it’s one book. Never ask for writing advice from someone whose work is unknown to you. I could be a complete hack, but most of the people who seek my advice wouldn’t have a clue. Bad advice is worse than toughing it out on your own.
2. Visit that author’s website, forum, blog or whatever. Leave helpful comments if applicable. Save the gushing about the author’s books, but honest appreciation of a writer’s work is always welcome. “Introduce” yourself to the author in a way that you can later say, “By the way, I’m (insert screen name here) from your forum. I’m working on my first book. Have you got any advice for me about (fill in topic here)?”
3. Let the author make the offer to do more than give a few general tips–and make sure you understand what the author is offering. I have a well-established author friend who was approached by an aspiring writer claiming the author made some outrageous offer to work with her on her manuscript. Knowing my friend, she never made such an offer. Having an author say to you, let me know how your work is progressing doesn’t mean she wants you to e-mail her every new chapter you complete.
4. Make sure the author is comfortable discussing whatever genre you write. I got an offer today to write a screenplay for a woman I have never met. I have written precisely 0 screenplays. The last screenplay I read was for A Streetcar Named Desire, way back in college. What are the odds I’ll do a bang-up job for the woman in question?
5. If you’re serious about your writing, go to conferences that cater to the kind of book you write. There are so many conferences covering every genre that it is possible to find one in your area. Not only will your writing benefit from workshops, you can do a little networking, maybe meet in person an author whose brain you’d like to pick. If you’re shy, develop a good eavesdropping technique.
6. Do not send your book to me. You already know I’m weak and that’s just taking advantage. However, if you do have a question or two you need answered, please join my group for writers: FictionFolks. Greater minds than mine are on that list and we are very helpful to authors new, aspiring and more experienced.
Happy writing all!
